When I began writing, I never thought God would also commission me to do it. He was clearly calling me to go to North Carolina in 2015 to a women’s conference called, She Speaks, and would not stop prompting me into going until I registered. After I registered, I needed to figure out how to get there. I really don’t enjoy flying so my family and I decided to drive and turn it into a family vacation. We stopped by Chicago and stayed with our friends at JPUSA for a few days.
When I first started writing, I thought the Lord wanted me to write a book, so I brought with me a few chapters of my manuscript. Back then I was also doing Crossfit and had integrated aspects of Crossfit into my writing. When I got to the conference and was in a meeting with someone from a book publishing company, she asked me some questions about my walk with the Lord. She said that people would be more interested in reading about my personal walk with the Lord, like a devotional, over what I had written. I thanked her and totally disagreed with her in my mind and felt that she really didn’t understand. The Lord did change my way of thinking and steered me into doing more or less what the lady advised me to do:) The Lord was clearly speaking through her and I’m so thankful for this sound advice.
My last class session of the weekend was with Wendy Blight. After she had spoken, she told everyone that her and another speaker were going to pray for everyone in the room. There were more than fifty people there, and I was sitting more to the back of the room because I had come in a little late from my meeting about my manuscript, so I wondered how long it would take for my turn to go up. But as I waited, the Lord gave me a vision; it was like I was in one place but I was looking at and being part of two different spaces at once. I could hear and watch everything that was going on around me in the conference room, but I could also watch, be in the presence of, and communicate with the Lord in my heart (as the Lion) who was also right in front of me, a bit to the left. I could see and feel the deep passion of His love for me as I watched Him. I could sense His deep desire to lead me somewhere…it was as if He needed to hold Himself back from taking me right away, since it wasn’t my turn to go up yet. So as I waited for my turn, I had the honour of watching Him and enjoy being in His awesome presence. It felt like He was ministering to my spirit as we waited… I was trying to hold back from balling my eyes out. I’m still so amazed by it…Jesus and I, gazing into each other’s eyes, totally and passionately in love with each other! I wish I could have that experience again, and it’s my hope that I can again one day have it while on the earth. This is part of walking an adventurous journey with him; this is what I live for, to be as close to Jesus in relationship as possible. I would give the rest of my life in his service to have more of these precious moments with him.
I believe the purpose of this vision from the Lord was to officially commission me to write and eventually speak about our awesome and adventurous journey together. I didn’t know it then, but the Lord started leading me to open a website soon after that, and this is where I post my writing. It is my absolute pleasure to love and honour the Lord in this way… to be intimate with the Lord in a transparent way for others to see. This is also my way of loving my neighbour.
Commissioned!
I was standing in front of Jesus as the LION, and I could see in His eyes a passionate love and desire for me. As I gazed at Him, I heard in my heart the words He spoke. He said, “Caroline, I’m going to take you to a special place today.” I stood there, comfortable, waiting and watching His face. A few tears squeezed passed my eyelids as I beheld such a wonderful sight. I felt and saw the eagerness in His eyes, wanting to take me to this place.
When it was finally my turn to go up for prayer, I eagerly listened to the words that were spoken. I thought God wanted to say something to me through the lady praying for me but was disappointed when nothing extravagant or directional was said. When the prayer was done, I knew I was walking back to face my King so I had to stop myself from running back, but I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing. As I sat down on my chair, I knew that I was also sitting with my Dad on His throne in heaven. Then in my vision I stood up in front of Jesus as the great big Lion. He called me and I knew it was time to go. I asked God the Father, “Dad, will you come with me?” He said, “yes.” Then the person of the Holy Spirit stood on my left and God the Father on my right, or the other way around, and we followed the Lion slowly down the isle -the three of us hand in hand.
The great big Lion walked slowly ahead of us, leading our procession. I imagined myself wearing the beautiful sky-blue gown that had already been made specifically for me. Our procession paused as I made a commissioning declaration before the Lord, The Call to Battle -Putting on the Full Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18). This was when the whole room of ladies spoke out the declaration together. It felt like all of heaven paused to listen. I was so overcome with emotion that there were moments when I could only listen to the words as I wept in agreement.
When the words had been spoken and I was still in the vision, we continued our walk through an archway and into a time of celebration. I felt like I was the honoured bride and all of heaven was cheering. When we walked through the archway, I only saw vaguely many many people who had come to celebrate my commissioning. I sensed this celebration more than what I saw because the vision was fading. Then I slowly started gathering my things to leave the conference and savoured this moment as it slowly slipped away. I knew I would never forget this very special moment.
I went to the conference wondering why it was so important to the Lord to lead me there. I didn’t know He would usher me into the presence of the Trinity and commission me to write and walk deeper into what He has for me. I didn’t know He would change my view about my writing and lead me to open a website. I gained an inner peace and confidence during this weekend and I knew the Lord was doing a very special work in my life. This whole weekend was a wonder to me. I was aware that God was leading me further into His purpose for me, and I felt like this weekend was preparing me somehow. I treasured all these things in my heart and pocketed them as memories between the Lord and I.
The most important thing I’ve learned while on this journey with Him, is that I’ve grown deeper in love with Jesus. More than anything, I want His love to grow in me so that I can be a better representative of who He is. He affirms me and gives me a sense of value as we walk. He wants to walk with me on this journey and He wants to talk with me. He wants to hear what I have to say. He’s so kind and loving that I can’t help but to be drawn to Him! These things are what He’s established in my heart. Having been with Him intimately these past twelve years, I’ve become a witness for Him; it would be pure selfishness on my part if I kept the knowledge of what He’s done in my life, all to myself.
Throughout this journey God has caused me to grow in perseverance in more ways than one. The reward for fighting the battles in our life are always worth it because of what we glean from them, but we can’t give up! Battles never last longer than we can bear. God will always reward His faithful ones!