For most of my adult life I’ve wanted a deeper walk with God. I found this road frustrating because I was really busy with taking care of my kids and doing all the other things I needed to do at home. I gave God my time right at the end of my day, when I was really exhausted and would fall asleep soon after I started to pray. I really didn’t know what to say or how to connect with Him because I had never spent a lot of time with Him.
One day about thirteen years ago, a friend of mine challenged me to spend a whole hour with the Lord in prayer, everyday. I had already been baptized in the Holy Spirit and knew the door was open for me to practice my prayer-language, but had not had “the time” to be with the Lord and commune with Him in this way. I really didn’t know what I was going to say to the Lord for a whole hour, so speaking in tongues looked inviting to me! This is when my real pursuit of the Lord began.
I sensed that God wanted me to get up early, before anyone else woke up so that there would be less interruptions. In this way I began to give God the first-fruits of my day and fasted sleep every morning. Most of the time I wouldn’t eat anything until I’d be done my time with Him.
With learning my new prayer language, at first I felt like I was a car that could barely start. He gave me one word initially that I still have no idea what it means because it’s not english, but I kept repeating that word until I felt a flow, an outpouring of syllables. The more I spoke and used what I had, the more God would expand my vocabulary. If I would skip one day I felt like I was back at square one, and my tongue could barely move. As I continued this pursuit of the Lord, praying in my prayer language for an hour every day, my prayer language prospered and so did my intimacy with the Lord. This is how the Lord taught me resilience and persistance in spending time with Him everyday.
God heard me when I told Him I wanted to have a stronger relationship with Him, so another way He helped me was, every time I’d sleep in even a little, God would give me a sad dream about my kids and then wake me up. If I slept in again the same morning, He would give me a sad dream about them again and wake me up. Sometimes He’d give me a sad dream right before my alarm would go off and then I’d just get up, even if I hardly had any sleep that night because of sick kids or even if I’d be sick. It sounds like God’s not nice sometimes but, He’s my Dad and as a good parent, He needs to be strict if I’m to learn something important. I think whatever we’ve set our mind to learn, we need to give time for that or how else are we going to learn it? He is good All the time and I’m honoured to be trained by Him -to be His disciple.
During these first few years of strict training, I learned that when God gave me sad dreams about my kids, He was really showing me that my Bible study and prayer time were really the ones in danger. When I dreamt about my son Lucas, it represented my prayer time, and when I dream’t about my daughter Bella, it represented my Bible study time. God was showing me what would happen to our growing relationship if I let sleep steal away my time with Him.
God was strict with me during that time, about the first eight to ten years because if He wasn’t, I don’t think I would have learned perseverance. I would have slept in those mornings when I was so tired and probably would have given up this most important pursuit -the door to a deeper intimacy with Him. He rewarded me so many times for the hard work I was doing with listening and obeying Him. Many of these stories where God showed me things about Himself I’ve already shared in many of my posts, and there are still many that I’ve not yet shared -God is so good!
One evening a few years ago I thought it would be okay to have my quiet time with the Lord a little later than my usual time, but immediately after I fell asleep, God gave me a dream to show His disapproval. So I kept my usual time for the Lord. My prayer time with Him the next morning was a real powerful one in which I felt His anointing stronger than I usually did. God honoured my obedience.
My love and commitment to Him has grown because of how strict he has been with me concerning our time together each morning. It’s been a long journey, but I now look forward to and cherish our time together. God has taught me how to be obedient and because of this, I have learned to hear His voice in a clearer way and can follow Him more closely.
I prayed in the spirit for an hour every morning for about seven years, and then a transition took place. I began to lead a book study in my church about hearing God’s voice. The book, Can You Hear Me? by Brad Jersak, talked about having actual conversations with the Lord, not audible, but having a sense of His voice in our heart and us responding audibly back to Him. This way of prayer became the way I prayed from then on, and almost immediately I began to write our conversations on paper.
Soon after we started our book study the Lord gave me a quick dream. I was kneeling down in the sand, digging deep. I found something and pulled it out; it was a microphone. As soon as I pulled it out, the enemy came and snatched it out of my hands, but just as quickly, Jesus snatched it out of his hands. When Jesus came to my rescue so quickly, I knew that Jesus had made my phone line and this way of speaking with Him, secure.
During the next three years this is how I prayed, and my relationship with the Lord really grew during this time. There were moments of doubt about hearing His voice, but there were more moments where I leaned into Him and was able to rest than these moments of doubt -knowing His love for me and knowing He was near was my anchor.
Then one day my well-known routine with Him changed. He showed me in a dream that that chapter of my life was now complete and I was starting a new chapter that day. I sense this new chapter I am in at the moment will not be a long one but will prepare me for the next one.
On my website I’ve posted prayers I’ve already written with my thoughts about the prayer underneath and will eventually add video of some sort. November 22 of 2019 was my last post before the Lord showed me to pause. I’m in a transition right now and am waiting on the Lord before I post any of my current writing.
Today is September 22, 2021, and I’ve now begun to post my current writing again!! I’ve also been led in the most amazing way, to start recording, and have posted my recordings onto YouTube. This journey of recording has been difficult, but I know the Lord has asked me to do this and I know he’s asked me not to quit.. so, despite the difficulty, I know the Holy Spirit will continue to lead me in this new unknown. With following Jesus into the unknown, it makes me more dependant on him and requires me to trust him more. He’s shown me so many times in my journey with him that he is trustworthy, and that what he says is true.
We all need to maintain our own house and trust that Jesus will always lead us in the way we should go. His steps are trustworthy and He is faithful. When we love Him passionately it’s easier to trust in what He says. When we trust in what He says, we can walk beside Him with shoes of peace on our feet; peace that also reassures us that he’s got our back. I trust him and I know he’ll catch me when I need him.
I think it’s in every person to have a desire to be led on an adventure where they are one of the superheroes, and we have this desire because God put it there. That’s what a deep, personal relationship with Him looks like….it’s an adventure because as we walk with him, he shows us bit by bit, more of the depth of who he is. God is truly the most amazing storyteller….he’s writing a unique story with each one of us!! Can you imagine if each one of his children would have such a faith walk where he would be able to lead them wherever he desires? I think this is the kind of life we are all meant to live.
The last few days I’ve been thinking about what it means to hear Jesus’ song. I have so much to learn about it, but I think it must have the most beautiful harmony in it, just like when Jesus and I walk closely together, my steps in harmony with his. Harmony in Gods song over us must have something to do with the fruit of the spirit fitting together like how nature works so well together with all the different aspects of it. When I have peace in my heart, hope also resides there, and where there’s hope, joy is there too. When I have these, it’s easier to walk with patience, and then I have a stronger endurance. If each one of these fruits are melodic, and if Jesus’ words truly are alive, then they must bring a beautiful harmonic song to our spirit. I know this sounds idealistic, but I do have a romantic heart; it’s this love song that Jesus sings over me that I need to hear in order to be led by Him. This is what I hope to hear when I’m truly resting in him. Jesus, my heart is yours and yours is mine -always.
Psalm 138:8, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever…. Isaiah 24:14-16, “They raise their voices, they shout for joy; from the west they acclaim the Lords majesty. Therefore in the east give glory to the Lord; exalt the name of the Lord, the God of Israel, in the islands of the sea. From the ends of the earth we hear singing: “Glory to the Righteous One.”
The journey I’m on with Jesus is a very special one, one that I’m so thankful to be on. You know how children are always in a hurry to grow up and don’t purposely think about enjoying this short time span? I need to remind myself that this time is a very special God time that I won’t be able to have when it’s done..not in the same way. I think when we continue to love God and pursue Him and thank him in the midst of trials is when we can touch the heart of God in a way we can’t do otherwise. Maybe we can even make him cry because of how much we love him and put our own selves behind us, putting him first. I want this. This journey is for him and I want to please him the most because I love him the most -I always will!
Taking big leaps of faith involves taking big risks, but what is life without taking adventurous Godly risks? Despite the difficulties, God meets me and helps me be sure of what I hope for. Every time doubt tries to sneak into my thoughts, I remind myself of how the Lord has settled my heart in the past about the same doubt. I’m sensing God inviting me to go deeper into his heart, and I want to go deeper! This is my main purpose in life, and I don’t want to miss going deeper, while going through big leaps of faith, by being self-focused. I think that because I’m willing to take big risks for God is possibly the reason why he’s calling me deeper in. Feeling content and desiring greatly what the Lord wants to do in me. I’m so deeply thankful for people who’ve followed the Lord and are walking in their calling, because I’ve desperately needed their Godly insight and prayers! It reminds me how important Gods calling on our life really is. I’m deeply thankful for how the Lord has established his desires in my heart, which are also mine….I now look forward for God to do more work in me so that I can do his work better.